So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
