your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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