Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
