Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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