Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
