i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
