Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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