When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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