This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
