I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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