i need an iv and a liver transplant
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
