apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
