Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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