Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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