I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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