no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
