Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
