I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
