I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
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