went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize