Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
