He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
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Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
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Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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