If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY