We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just blew my weed a kiss
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION