dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...