Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
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Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning