I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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