Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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