Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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