Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
