And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
soo... how was my night?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
