Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
