What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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