i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
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