actually, I'm a sock model
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
