well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
