I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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