nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
