Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize