dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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