I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
