Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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