it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
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I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
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Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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