we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
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Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
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Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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