so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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