my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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