Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
