I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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