Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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