Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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