I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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