Welp...herpes.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
