worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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