Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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