Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
