Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The beer is more important than you right now.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
