moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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