Your face is a jimmy john
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
