help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
