Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
