so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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