I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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