i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
